Over the course of my life there has been quite varied reviews as to whether or not I can actually delivery on these promises/threats/vulgarities.
My prowess is not in question here BUT! You can imagine the type of shit I was talking when I was equipped with this fucking clit-tickling electric cockring.
I was like, “all right bitch, are you ready to get your face melted?” all fucking spreading the plastic tarp out on my bed, and shit.
This product from Topco sales in Van Nuys, CA (big surprise, there) promised that I would achieve “harder, longer erections” and that I would enjoy “15 minutes of powerful vibration” for my partner and me. I even positioned “the vibe on top of the penis for clitoral stimulation!”(There really was an exclamation point at the end of this sentence on the packaging).
The fucking thing was a dud…nada, nothing, no vibration. I’m sitting here with what looks like a Rainbow Brite necklace on my dick and fucking nothing. My dong looks like a candy raver. I have a fluorescently colored rum-barrel hanging from the collar of a miniature St. Bernard rescue dog. Like my cock is on a mission to save the life of a vagina stranded in the Swiss Alps.
Add this to the list of humiliating romantic mishaps I’ve achieved.
OK, I’m done.
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1 comment:
Note to self: Don't read YOUR blogs when trying to look like I'm actually working at my job. Laughing ridiculously loud and sputtering does NOT acheieve this look for me. HAHAHAHA but thank you you've made the next 2 1/2 hours I must endure THAT much better.. and thanks for the advice I'll skip on those next time I'm trying to get a guy to seduce me.
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