Consumer RepWhore: Mexican Coke

You guys are all sitting around drinking domestic Cokes like chumps.

NO NEED! They bring the good shit right over the border.

Consumer RepWhore:TLC 1-Use Vibrating Cockring

So, I talk a lot of shit to girls. Stupid shit like, “I’m fittn’ to tear that ass up” or “I’m going to turn you inside out like a gym sock.”

Over the course of my life there has been quite varied reviews as to whether or not I can actually delivery on these promises/threats/vulgarities.

My prowess is not in question here BUT! You can imagine the type of shit I was talking when I was equipped with this fucking clit-tickling electric cockring.

I was like, “all right bitch, are you ready to get your face melted?” all fucking spreading the plastic tarp out on my bed, and shit.


This product from Topco sales in Van Nuys, CA (big surprise, there) promised that I would achieve “harder, longer erections” and that I would enjoy “15 minutes of powerful vibration” for my partner and me. I even positioned “the vibe on top of the penis for clitoral stimulation!”(There really was an exclamation point at the end of this sentence on the packaging).

The fucking thing was a dud…nada, nothing, no vibration. I’m sitting here with what looks like a Rainbow Brite necklace on my dick and fucking nothing. My dong looks like a candy raver. I have a fluorescently colored rum-barrel hanging from the collar of a miniature St. Bernard rescue dog. Like my cock is on a mission to save the life of a vagina stranded in the Swiss Alps.

Add this to the list of humiliating romantic mishaps I’ve achieved.

OK, I’m done.

Consumer RepWhore: Iophen-C NR Cough Syrup w/ Codeine

Codeine Cough Syrup enjoys several monikers within the Hip Hop vernacular; Purple Drank, Sizzurp, Lean.

I’ve personally been on that purple stuff for many years. Before Weezy sang its placid praises and before Pimp-C died from the shit.

I was first introduced to the lean machine when Golden Browne was still a wee high school girl battling an ecstasy-induced bout of chronic bronchitis. Her Scottsdale physician was a bit of a pediatric Dr. FeelGood and she passed this wonder tonic out with the slightest complaint of a scratchy throat.

I sipped the sizzurp steady and once again, much like White Owl Blunts and Nike Dunks, I was well ahead of the Crunk-Curve. I had very little luck acquiring the sticky serenity-sap from my trips to various AZ-based general practitioners and family doctors.

As my persona matured a bit my dreads came off, my piercings fell out and I re-gained the weight I had lost during a period of daily meth injections I found that attainment of this good-time grail became easier and easier. As it turns out, doctors are a little uneasy doling powerful liquid narcotics to obviously strung out punk junkies.

The thing I want to stress to my faithful and beloved Wee Ginger Cunt readers is this: Lean ain’t just for redheads and rappers YOU TOO can have fun getting fucked on liquid codeine. Here’s the why, where and how of sippin’ on the sizzurp…

1.WHY?- Sipping lean gives you the fuzzy body high you know and love vicodin for. Like vics, lean is great when cocktailed with marijuana and booze. Also, Lean is pretty rad to bust out with all your cracker-ass friends. You get Southern-fried street cred and your friends get a cool Sunday afternoon soiree story to tell at the sorority house. Rosalinda partook at Matt Goldman’s pre-Fuck Yeah Fest pool party atop the Standard Hotel on Saturday. 15 minutes later she was grinding with a sunk-chested Armenian boy. Definitely a good look.

2.WHERE? - No need to canvas 6th street between Maple and Main, you can get this shit from your doctor! It’s best to go in when you actually have a tiny cough or a little congestion. Medical doctors are dumb but they aren’t morons and this probably ain’t your doctor’s first fake-flem rodeo. You usually get a re-fill so the second bottle will be all yours for healthy horse-play.

3.How? - Probably the most popular lean libation is sizzurp and Sprite. Yeah, Pimp C overdosed on the shit but don’t be a little pussy, pour liberally. Mix it like its vodka 7-Up, roughly half and half. On the go, I suggest chugging from the bottle, fuck the mixer. Caution, this can get hairy when your friends (Greg, Jason) that act as purple drank parasites and enjoy chugs when they should be enjoying sips.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Start your Leaning!!!

Consumer RepWhore:Swisher + Menthol = WHAA!?

When I first told my friend that I had come across brand-new MENTHOL FUCKING SWISHER SWEETS at the corner store below my building on 6th and Spring, he automatically asked me, "Are they good?". Of course they're fucking good, you dousche bag. They are composed of 2 delicious ingredients: blunts and menthol. Asking if they're good is like asking if a double-fudge blow job would be good. Of course it would be, there is no room for error.


OH! and could there be any product in the history of consumerism that is more geared toward Black People? Menthol blunts fully white-ify all products previous believed to be Afro-American oriented. Menthol Swishers turn Church's Chicken into Grey Poupon and Jerry-Curl juice into Aqua Net...or possibly Tres Flores

Chris and I put the screws to one of these minty motherfuckers last night. We mixed up a little salad with some Deep purple I copped from my girl in Los Feliz and some ganja Chris got in my building which was completly inappropriately named "Grand Master" Kush. Isn't that some Knights of the Ku Klux Klan shit? Racist motherfuckers, you have to wonder where the ca$h from that crop is going.

Swisher has a website!

Consumer RepWhore:Busmills Single cask Whisky

On Friday, the painter David Amico held an opening at Stephanie’s gallery in Beverly Hills. As a token of his appreciation for Steffi’s always professional demeanor, he gifted her (and me, by osmosis) a bottle of Bushmills Single Cask Single-Malt Irish Whisky.

This fucking shit is good, like super-good. If you dipped your cock in it you could probably fuck for hours and never get AIDS. In Fact I’ll give you the Wee Ginger Cunt Guarantee that if you dip your dong in Bushmills Single Cask Single-Malt Irish Whisky, you can pull it out of the bottle and shove it any human hole without fear of disease or embarrassment.

This whisky was distilled in 1989, which means it was born before some of the girls I sleep with. My friend says that mixing these types of whiskies with Dr. Pepper is the bomb-dot-com. I would not recommend that with this particular pedigree, as one bottle of this shit costs more than a quarter-ounce of blow in LA. A couple of ice cubes should be good. Damn, now I want to do some blow.