What the fruit?

I've been straight chugging cok all day.




Quenten didn't tell me till now. I probably should have realized that Greek words are a suspect look on an OJ carton when you live in California.

looking good is a state of mind

*you're like my own little West Coast Neneh Cherry*



This might seem like an obvious look to grown folks, but the kids out there really are not up on this one. I KNOW!! I was as shocked as you are, cousin.

Plot to blow up the Eiffel Tower

Came home to find that my shoe tower fell, oh hell, oh well I'ma ship the shit to Goodwill.
I wanna let you all know you'll never see me with Sperry's on my toes.

no joke!!

tassel loafers, YES...boat shoes, NO!

It was just a dream

Paige has returned from Paris. The Frenchmen have done the opposite. Summer is now over and the shift has returned everything in my beloved Downtown to how it once was.

Well, almost everything...

Married to the Struggle

until every ginger is free...

Get your Laws off my Language

In my constant effort to stay fly I decided that I would buy some brand-new, shiny Air Max 90s at lunch, because frankly, Stunting doesn’t happen by itself.

I like to think globally and cop locally so I called the Downtown Blends sneaker shop to inquire about their current selection. The girl on the other end seemed kind of trife from the get go, our conversation went something like this

Ring, Ring…

Shoe broad: hello, Blends
Me: Sup, I was wondering if you guys had any fresh Air Max 90’s on deck right now
Shoe broad: what?
Me: what Air Max 90s do guys have right now?
SB: (laughing) who is this?
M: Just a customer trying to cop some Nikes
SB: is this another store?
M: What, why?
SB: Because noone really talks this way
M: what way?
SB: like you!
M: um, yo, I’m really not sure what you mean, I’ma just come down and look for myself
SB: ok
M: aight then


When I arrived I picked out the lovely red and black numbers you see pictured here. I was fucking with a dude clerk and all but forgot about the strange interaction I had with shoe broad on the phone. Then, sauntering out from the back room comes a damp-rat of a white girl with an ill fitting Adidas track jacket and an air of retarditude. Homegirl looked more like she should be working at Mervyn’s or REI than Blends. I asked her what was up with weirdness on the phone.

She proceeded to explain that I used “a lot of text book Hip Hop terms” that to her sounded contrived.

Bitch, what?

I’m not sure which text book she brushed up on before deciding it safe to come downtown but bitch needs to go back to Costa Mesa and brush way more upper. She’s way to used to selling Creative Recs to sluts and surfers.

I spit classics. Not a game…life.

The only way you’ll get my slang from me is by prying it from my cold, dead lips.

Burn the church, Burn the State, Burn the $$ that makes us hate

Anyone who knows me knows that fireworks are fully my steez. For real, I reach into jackets i haven't worn all Winter and instead of being stoked on a $20, I'm super-stoked to find a stash of M80's. Pop my trunk, see if you don't find bottle rockets in several powerful denominations. I should be passing out safety goggles on 1st dates. I think I may be Greek.

Nice legs, what time do they open?

What if I had a normal job, Like practicing law or working at a non-profit where there would be a very slim chance of anyone dropping trou in my office, let alone a mocha-choca-latte like we have here.

Searching for my Baby Mama

It’s apparent that I’m a magnet for motherfuckers lost photographs. Wherever I tread I seem to discover snapshots of people that are perfect strangers. Strangers, that is, until the moment my hand touches the photos and I get stuck; Obsessed with the unanswerable...

Who are they?

Where are they?

How did they lose their precious Disneyland flicks at the Valero petrol station on 4th street and Alameda?

This photographic find was special, however. Look mi ruca in the eyes and explain to me how you don’t fall in heart with her. For real, please explain!! Your boy is starting to lose sleep on this one.

I’m on some L-Boogie: Loving girl is like a song I replay every 3 minutes and 30 seconds of every day!

And all we really know about her man is that he

A) Spotted for some Disneyland tix, and

B) Dude likes to wear different silly hats

Dear girl in the flicks,

If were your man I wouldn’t have to floss with different types of pirate hats because I’d be wearing YOU like a hat…that’s what I call rocking LA above the brim. I also vow that you wouldn’t have to eat dinner in Anacrime again, unless your tia lives out there or some shit.

Xo,
RL

My friend told me that I shouldn't fall so hard in like with all these Latin broads cause they turn into gummy bears after 30…WHAT??!!?

I’ll worry about that when that shit come to fruition. Right now, I bow before the alter of my Mexican Mami’s. Puro La Raza!! Puro La Rojo por siempre!!

Swimming With Bunnies...and Armenians

Such an amazing party yesterday in the Hills. Big Props to House of Hype and Coulter Cadillac for providing sweet escalades. Big props to Affliction Clothing who apparently provided the uniform.

Also, a special thanks to the black guy on the hill with the yellow tie that was so accommodating to me and my group of friends.

also, also, the fat guy with the yellow Polo button-up shirt and City of West Hollywood. Best end of the summer party EVER

Consumer RepWhore: Iophen-C NR Cough Syrup w/ Codeine

Codeine Cough Syrup enjoys several monikers within the Hip Hop vernacular; Purple Drank, Sizzurp, Lean.

I’ve personally been on that purple stuff for many years. Before Weezy sang its placid praises and before Pimp-C died from the shit.

I was first introduced to the lean machine when Golden Browne was still a wee high school girl battling an ecstasy-induced bout of chronic bronchitis. Her Scottsdale physician was a bit of a pediatric Dr. FeelGood and she passed this wonder tonic out with the slightest complaint of a scratchy throat.

I sipped the sizzurp steady and once again, much like White Owl Blunts and Nike Dunks, I was well ahead of the Crunk-Curve. I had very little luck acquiring the sticky serenity-sap from my trips to various AZ-based general practitioners and family doctors.

As my persona matured a bit my dreads came off, my piercings fell out and I re-gained the weight I had lost during a period of daily meth injections I found that attainment of this good-time grail became easier and easier. As it turns out, doctors are a little uneasy doling powerful liquid narcotics to obviously strung out punk junkies.

The thing I want to stress to my faithful and beloved Wee Ginger Cunt readers is this: Lean ain’t just for redheads and rappers YOU TOO can have fun getting fucked on liquid codeine. Here’s the why, where and how of sippin’ on the sizzurp…

1.WHY?- Sipping lean gives you the fuzzy body high you know and love vicodin for. Like vics, lean is great when cocktailed with marijuana and booze. Also, Lean is pretty rad to bust out with all your cracker-ass friends. You get Southern-fried street cred and your friends get a cool Sunday afternoon soiree story to tell at the sorority house. Rosalinda partook at Matt Goldman’s pre-Fuck Yeah Fest pool party atop the Standard Hotel on Saturday. 15 minutes later she was grinding with a sunk-chested Armenian boy. Definitely a good look.

2.WHERE? - No need to canvas 6th street between Maple and Main, you can get this shit from your doctor! It’s best to go in when you actually have a tiny cough or a little congestion. Medical doctors are dumb but they aren’t morons and this probably ain’t your doctor’s first fake-flem rodeo. You usually get a re-fill so the second bottle will be all yours for healthy horse-play.

3.How? - Probably the most popular lean libation is sizzurp and Sprite. Yeah, Pimp C overdosed on the shit but don’t be a little pussy, pour liberally. Mix it like its vodka 7-Up, roughly half and half. On the go, I suggest chugging from the bottle, fuck the mixer. Caution, this can get hairy when your friends (Greg, Jason) that act as purple drank parasites and enjoy chugs when they should be enjoying sips.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Start your Leaning!!!