Your favorite comics are fucking retards

So, I ride past the Improv every day on my up Melrose to work. I always notice these abominable portrait murals. I finally traipsed down on my lunch and shot them. They are basically paintings of your favorite celebrities if they were suddenly stricken with adult on-set Downs Syndrome.


YAAAY! Marlin Wayans was born with an extra chromosome


Is that David Spade or Ellen Degeneres? Either way I'ma get up in them guts.


Straight up short bus Drew Carrey


OK, This one's pretty spot on



This dude is waaay before my time. I think he was in Princess Bride or some shit


Oh, Hell No. For real? Leno? isn't this nigga ugly enough without retardifying him in aerosol?

Hater Alert: this time it's personal

"Keep my name up out your mouth and we can keep it the same, Nigga" -Dr. Dre


An open letter to a certain hating-ass Irish Downtowner who, at this time, will remain nameless,

It seems that I'm quite the topic of conversation for you lately. I can't believe that you would call Cousin-Camille with all sorts of bizarre accusations and ramblings, getting her all worked up. You said that you were worried about my GF because you saw me at 107 with a girl? What The Fuck Dude, that's some bitch shit. I fucking go to the bar with hella broads. They're my fucking friends. Half of the world's population is female and half of my friends are girls. duh!

And how about the Celtic X Celtic hate? What's next, are you going to throw rocks at the Irish half of Jessica Pell?

Yo, listen, I've never counted you among my close friends but I liked you and I thought we were cool. You can hate me all you'd like but please stop launching these gay reckless hater attacks just because you want to dish with your girlfriends about what the "boys" are up to Downtown. It stressful to my household and to my situation and they are hurtful to more than just me.

I'd love to just forget all about this whole incident and just mark you as a person with jealousy issues and hateful tendencies but I'm not sure if the block will let me let this go. Motherfuckers remember this type of shit.

In closing, I'd just like you to slow your roll and cease the jabs at the most important relationship I've ever had in my life.


Steffi and I the day we packed our wagon and first headed west way back in '02

Yes Please

We are existing in the eye of a financial implosion. you will wait in line for soup before this is over. In fact, I predict that you personally will be on some Oliver "may I have more please" shit. Its a super scary look but some remain optimistic...

Andy says that more millionaires came from the 1930s than any other decade.

Stuart says that more relevant American advertising concepts and logos came from the 1930s than any other decade.

Andy looks broke as fuck and knows way too much about the Hollywood bus routes to ever be a millionaire and today I loaned Stuart $100.

National Socialists: Martha Stewart's Nazis

Have you ever played next blog?
If you look at the top of this page you see the next blog icon. If you hit it you'll be transported to a random blog. Most of these blogs are fronted by bored moms in redneck locales, keeping us up to date every time their 18 month old rolls over or their 7 year old slays a deer with his daddy in the Kentucky woods.

Many of the blogs are in Spanish or Portuguese or some other godless language. These blogs are usually about gay local soccer teams. Heathens call it "futbol".

Well, I came across the most hilarious next blog ever when i discovered the official blogspot for The National Socialists, that's right, America's Nazi Party.

Unlike Hitler's rapid re-industrialization of Germany in the 1930's, Rommel's U.S. proteges have a different strategy for feeding the new Aryan revolution....the making and selling of soap.

This soothing swastika soap probably won't be available at Sabon in SoHo


The fuck does "88" mean, anyway?



OK, since Tom Cruise did it I feel like I can finally say it, too...Nazis were cool. I mean the original Nazis, not the hillbilly arts and crafts queer Nazis of the American National Socialists.

They look super cool, goose-stepping is way hipper than normal marching, rad haircuts, Lugers, dude, Lugers are sweet. oh, the 1939 Olympics! I cry a little every time i see Adolf out there with his funny little quips and gestures, intesified by the twitchy attributes of early 20th Century film technology.

I wish they could have been cool. The whole "killing tons of my ancestors" thing fucking bums me out because I feel like I would have been a damn good Nazi. I definitely have the hair for it.

F.T.W. like a nympho

How long shall they kill our prophets while we stand aside and look?

If you can't touch their titties, why even have granddaughters?

Dude, this guy won!!

Tigerbeat-off: Shame on the Train

So, if you live in this city and you steadily mob around in your whip, like always; you never bike or take the train I feel sorry for you.

While I agree that Big Boy in the Morning is fucking funny, Power 106 doesn’t have shit on the type of hilarity you’ll encounter while traversing via L.A.’s famously sparse public transit system.

This little nugget of perversion was snapped by my friend Candace yesterday while on a Southbound Caltrans to Orange County


This 40 something Mexican-dressed-as-as-a-Persian is thumbing through the latest copy of TIGERBEAT!

This fool has no shame in his game! I mean I want to fuck Zack Efron as much the next guy but I dont bust out my tween/twink jack rags on the fucking 6:00 to San Diego.

HATER ALERT! HATER ALERT!

This journalist represented Crunchilvania in the '04 Hater Olympics. He took home the copper in the 500 M salty look contest while failing to place in his other event, Heavyweight Men's Mean-Mugging.

An open letter to the guy who pulled that funny looking knife on me at Barrigan's

Dear guy who pulled a knife on me in the parking lot at Barrigan’s,

Why did you do that? Do you have that much hatred toward Gingers? You yourself are a bit of an ethnic outcast, as you appeared to be half black and looked a lot like a younger College-ier (if that’s possible) version of that that guy from Hootie and The Blowfish. I would expect you to have some respect for people’s differences.

And what’s with the crazy looking hammer-knife? Are you some kind of a fucking miner? Maybe you like to recreate Civil War battles?

Were you really going to kill me in the parking lot of Barrigan’s restaurant on a Wednesday night? What an embarrassing, hipster way to die. That would be like losing a leg because you got the leather lace of your Topsiders stuck in the crank of your fixie, or drowning at a Swim with the Sharks pool party…tre disrespectful to my mom.

In any event, you’re super-duper bitch-made and when I see you I’m going to violently rape you in front of everyone at Barrigan’s. I am going to beat you beyond resistance in front of the female Barrigan’s customers with the ironic 80’s eyeglass frames. I’m going to rip off your trousers in front on the 19 year old boys who dress like Led Zeppelin. I’m going to plunge my angry cock into your frightened rectum so deep that even the girls who haven’t figured out that thick, cotton-spandex leggings are no longer en vogue will feel it.

Oh, and I have your golf club.