Hater Alert: this time it's personal

"Keep my name up out your mouth and we can keep it the same, Nigga" -Dr. Dre


An open letter to a certain hating-ass Irish Downtowner who, at this time, will remain nameless,

It seems that I'm quite the topic of conversation for you lately. I can't believe that you would call Cousin-Camille with all sorts of bizarre accusations and ramblings, getting her all worked up. You said that you were worried about my GF because you saw me at 107 with a girl? What The Fuck Dude, that's some bitch shit. I fucking go to the bar with hella broads. They're my fucking friends. Half of the world's population is female and half of my friends are girls. duh!

And how about the Celtic X Celtic hate? What's next, are you going to throw rocks at the Irish half of Jessica Pell?

Yo, listen, I've never counted you among my close friends but I liked you and I thought we were cool. You can hate me all you'd like but please stop launching these gay reckless hater attacks just because you want to dish with your girlfriends about what the "boys" are up to Downtown. It stressful to my household and to my situation and they are hurtful to more than just me.

I'd love to just forget all about this whole incident and just mark you as a person with jealousy issues and hateful tendencies but I'm not sure if the block will let me let this go. Motherfuckers remember this type of shit.

In closing, I'd just like you to slow your roll and cease the jabs at the most important relationship I've ever had in my life.


Steffi and I the day we packed our wagon and first headed west way back in '02

National Socialists: Martha Stewart's Nazis

Have you ever played next blog?
If you look at the top of this page you see the next blog icon. If you hit it you'll be transported to a random blog. Most of these blogs are fronted by bored moms in redneck locales, keeping us up to date every time their 18 month old rolls over or their 7 year old slays a deer with his daddy in the Kentucky woods.

Many of the blogs are in Spanish or Portuguese or some other godless language. These blogs are usually about gay local soccer teams. Heathens call it "futbol".

Well, I came across the most hilarious next blog ever when i discovered the official blogspot for The National Socialists, that's right, America's Nazi Party.

Unlike Hitler's rapid re-industrialization of Germany in the 1930's, Rommel's U.S. proteges have a different strategy for feeding the new Aryan revolution....the making and selling of soap.

This soothing swastika soap probably won't be available at Sabon in SoHo


The fuck does "88" mean, anyway?



OK, since Tom Cruise did it I feel like I can finally say it, too...Nazis were cool. I mean the original Nazis, not the hillbilly arts and crafts queer Nazis of the American National Socialists.

They look super cool, goose-stepping is way hipper than normal marching, rad haircuts, Lugers, dude, Lugers are sweet. oh, the 1939 Olympics! I cry a little every time i see Adolf out there with his funny little quips and gestures, intesified by the twitchy attributes of early 20th Century film technology.

I wish they could have been cool. The whole "killing tons of my ancestors" thing fucking bums me out because I feel like I would have been a damn good Nazi. I definitely have the hair for it.

HATER ALERT! HATER ALERT!

This journalist represented Crunchilvania in the '04 Hater Olympics. He took home the copper in the 500 M salty look contest while failing to place in his other event, Heavyweight Men's Mean-Mugging.