Works Every Time: The Make Out party, Fool's Gold and Abe Vigoda at the Colt 45 Party 06/06/09

(no photos because Vivi STILL has my camera...UGH!)

I think the unanimous decision is that Three of Clubs sucks for shows. It sounded bad and it was sectioned off into two lounges, which caused the show side of the bar to be packed tighter than an astro van full of Mexicans.

It was a Vice/Colt .45 party and was touted to have free tall boys, which it did for like 2 seconds. Maybe Billy D. Williams is a Black Jew, because those cocksuckers showed up with a six-pack. All you heard all night was, Sorry, we’re all out, try the other bar.” You know the other bar doesn’t have any, asshole!

Broken malt liquor promise aside, Thee Make Out Party was the first band to play. I was a virgin and I was pretty stoked. The garagey-power pop quartet played sweet songs about love, drugs and bubblegum. They wore the appearance of the kids who hung out beneath the bleachers in High School, eager to pontificate over Sabbath or The Stooges, Raw Power.

TMP finished strong and the room filled gypsies in anticipation of a Fool’s Gold performance. I don’t even know if these dudes were even singing in English but they were def, def getting down. My big Cousin, Luis, was there with some of his sorted friends. I overheard one of his homeboys say, “That fucking white boy GETS DOWN on that guitar, he OWNS that shit.” quite excitedly. This performance also marked the second in a week’s time that I bore witness to a dude that wasn’t scared to drop his primary instrument and toot a flute. The first time was Brittany’s Mexican wedding band leader, this time it was one of two Fool’s Gold sax players. Although, this time there was no drunken wedding crowd violently insisting that the band “play more Steppenwolf.”

As the air cleared of that funky waft that only a talented jam band could fill a room with, it was time for Abe. Michael was wearing a jacket I made, Juan was drinking a martini, and David was drunkenly celebrating a birthday and who the fuck is the white boy on drums. Jesus Christ, I need to get to The Smell more. I took my customary position aside Raul and Abe began with a pre-Skeleton crowd favorite and it began to degenerate from there. I was pelted with several beer cans, Juan’s guitar broke and I experienced the staple black-guy-in-the mosh-pit. There is always a non-punk black guy in the pit taking a sort of science experience approach to our not-so-sacred dance ritual. After being hit in the nose, not once but twice by the life-size Billy D. cardboard cut-out the set ended with Juan flat on his stomach (yummy) and David banging his bass on the low ceilings of The Three of Clubs. The white boy drummer gets 2 thumbs up, BTW.

This concludes the most racist show review I’ve ever written.