Consumer RepWhore:Swisher + Menthol = WHAA!?

When I first told my friend that I had come across brand-new MENTHOL FUCKING SWISHER SWEETS at the corner store below my building on 6th and Spring, he automatically asked me, "Are they good?". Of course they're fucking good, you dousche bag. They are composed of 2 delicious ingredients: blunts and menthol. Asking if they're good is like asking if a double-fudge blow job would be good. Of course it would be, there is no room for error.


OH! and could there be any product in the history of consumerism that is more geared toward Black People? Menthol blunts fully white-ify all products previous believed to be Afro-American oriented. Menthol Swishers turn Church's Chicken into Grey Poupon and Jerry-Curl juice into Aqua Net...or possibly Tres Flores

Chris and I put the screws to one of these minty motherfuckers last night. We mixed up a little salad with some Deep purple I copped from my girl in Los Feliz and some ganja Chris got in my building which was completly inappropriately named "Grand Master" Kush. Isn't that some Knights of the Ku Klux Klan shit? Racist motherfuckers, you have to wonder where the ca$h from that crop is going.

Swisher has a website!

Consumer RepWhore:Busmills Single cask Whisky

On Friday, the painter David Amico held an opening at Stephanie’s gallery in Beverly Hills. As a token of his appreciation for Steffi’s always professional demeanor, he gifted her (and me, by osmosis) a bottle of Bushmills Single Cask Single-Malt Irish Whisky.

This fucking shit is good, like super-good. If you dipped your cock in it you could probably fuck for hours and never get AIDS. In Fact I’ll give you the Wee Ginger Cunt Guarantee that if you dip your dong in Bushmills Single Cask Single-Malt Irish Whisky, you can pull it out of the bottle and shove it any human hole without fear of disease or embarrassment.

This whisky was distilled in 1989, which means it was born before some of the girls I sleep with. My friend says that mixing these types of whiskies with Dr. Pepper is the bomb-dot-com. I would not recommend that with this particular pedigree, as one bottle of this shit costs more than a quarter-ounce of blow in LA. A couple of ice cubes should be good. Damn, now I want to do some blow.

lyndsea laMarr for WEE GINGER CUNT

While Lyndsea is technically not a Ginger her hair is orange as shit. Her hair is orange by choice and she is a friend to all Gingers. She is also one of our favorite designers and artists in Los Angeles. Lyndsea decided to take on The Cunt, face first, here is what is has come up with…

on deck: New Bloods, The Secret Life

New Bloods are a Portland trio that has found themselves on Kill Rock Stars and in my life.

They played this week at The Smell and they are most definitely all girls. This surprised me because the poster I received folded into my copy of The Secret Life LP looked, to me, to depict a male violin player. The ripper with the bow was indeed vagina-equipped. In my opinion she was actually the looker of the squad.

New Bloods plays Punkish Folk jams with stabbing strings that make you think, “This band is fully from Portland, but they have for sure hung out in Oakland”.

The Secret Life reminds me of why I love the Northwest, but why I would never, ever fit in there.

KILLROCKSTARS.COM

thenewbloods/NEWBLOODSMYSPACE

New Bloods and Hornet Leg at The Smell

When I saw her dancing and bouncing about to New Bloods, she reminded me of you.

Your hair was much curlier, but she had things about the way she looked that made her different, like you.  Your curly hair is what made you look different.

She was dancing and bouncing and looking at her friend the way I imagine you looked at boys back then; the way I hope you looked at me on occasion.

She was imitating her friends dance moves, mirroring them.

You NEVER imitated me.